Insomniac

I'm not a tad confused..I'm in a terrible state-one of utter confusion and chaos.
Suffering from insomnia from the last three days.I'm telling you...'tis a worst state...lights switched off...everyone around you sleeping peacefully....but not you....turning sides...imagining every possible thing to lull u to sleep....but,na...it wont come....time flows by....u suddenly hear the chirping birds....temple's bells....sweepers brooms swaying over roads in gentle sweeps.....and all this time u r praying desperately,waiting for sleep to come.Sleep meanwhile is amusing itself watching u twitch and twirl but it won't give in .... not till the wee hours of morning.

Lying there surrounded with darkness I can't elude from myself.It is as if someone's waiting and it attacks you brutally.Your mistakes confront you with a furor.And what can you do with it....you are helpless....you no longer try to evade the truth,your defences fall,ur excuses exhausted,and in dat darkness u take it all as it comes..... when you are bound to be answerable - - to ur own self.

But does accepting your guilt makes it any less.The loss it has caused...the past which is gone...the deed which is done...the words already said...wheels set in motion.The only thing left is the outcome,the result whatever it is-if it's to your liking or not.You don't have a choice here.

I make plans.On what I should do and I promise myself I'll do it.execute them this time...no more mistakes....

sleep comes...

dawn's past...

it's noon....

it's day.My defences have raised.I've got all my excuses in line.
And I continue with my life.

I say to myself,"I'm a human and to err is human"
Yet another excuse!

Hopeless case,can't help.